Friday 17 September 2010

I received a lovely email yesterday…

…apparently amongst a range of insults, I am a retarded noob. It must be true, the internet told me. Now I’m not entirely sure who my accuser is, since unfortunately he (or she) didn’t put their name on the email and the address is some random looking hotmail thing no doubt created for this attempted abuse, so to make my response I will have to designate them a name of my choosing… something worthy of their eloquent and charming correspondence, ah yes I know… I shall dub thee Mr WankBubble.
Mr Wankbubble has taken umbrage with, I presume, a couple of posts I made on WHA regarding server population and subscribers.
Your posts are bullshit!1! IF your’ Server has 700 player obv  it cnt have FUCK all other subs
No, Mr WankBubble I’m afraid it’s you who is talking shite here. Clearly you have no understanding of how subscription numbers, gain/loss of those subscribers, account activity and snapshots of data will relate to each other, or more to the point, how they don’t have a direct predictable relationship. Let me give you a real life example. Let’s say Gym membership, an example I expect you are unfamiliar with, but I shall ignore that suspicious image of your hideous mass of flesh and continue.
Bob owns a Gym, it’s quite a nice Gym, but the colour scheme is not to everyone’s taste. At 7pm in the evening the Gym has 50 members pumping iron. Oooh such muscles! I bet your sphincter is quivering at the thought Mr WankBubble hmmm? Annnnnnyway, over a week we take a look inside at 7pm and every night there’s 50 members pumping away (fnar fnar… contain yourself Mr WankBubble!). 50 people every night, so how many people have a paid membership for Bob’s Gym? What do you think Mr WankBubble? Not much more than 50 eh?
 The answer is… it’s impossible to say. It’s at least 50, but it could be 52, it could be 10,000. You simply do not know how many people have a membership, but haven’t attended all week, or only visit in the morning, the afternoon, once in a blue moon, etc. The only way of finding out is by getting Bob to show us his membership list, which Bob doesn’t feel like sharing. As such you are trying to infer meaning to snapshots of data that without further supporting information, actually have very little meaning. Or in other words, you sir are an idiot.
Your fucking retarded noob and your guild sucks!!!
Hmmm, the first part of that dubious sentence is encased in enough irony that I don’t particularly feel the need to respond. It did make me chuckle though, so I thank you for that. Everyone loves a good self-own.
As for the second half, well… Kill Frenzy has never proclaimed itself as anything but a decent community and fun guild to be in. We do ok in PvP, sometimes kicking arse in a huge way and sometimes sucking like a $2 whore. That goes with the territory when a guild is half casual like us. I know from Order players (who’s opinions are worth something) where KF ranks in the grand scheme of Karak Norn guilds and that’s just fine. I’ve no problem with us being I guess upper mid-table, I suppose we’re a bit like Tottenham Hotspur really. So I’m afraid again I will take more amusement from your statement than offence.
As for the rest of your email… I am sorry Mr WankBubble but I wasn’t entirely sure what language it was in. It looked like some kind of hybrid between southern English Chav and d3wD speak from 1995, which while charming in a “ahh bless his moronic soul” kind of way, unfortunately it was completely unintelligible. So I think I’ll respond to the entire bizarre text with:


  1. Judging by the writers choice of spelling for the words "Your", "cnt" and "obv" we can deduce that, at some point in the recent past, the writer has been the owner and maintainer of a MySpace page with obnoxiously loud rap music and a horribly tiled background image.

    Chances are the writer may well also be seen in the wild wearing a tracksuit with socks rolled up over the trousers. Perhaps the email was sent from a Wetherspoon's at about 3pm.

    Just guessing.

  2. Order Haters most likely, angry at your beautiful Chosen visage....but I digress.

    Great Post though. Thank you Mr.Wankbubble and Bootae for the Entertainment.


  3. I thought getting an email

    "to whom it may concern,

    You are a retarded noob.


    - teh interwebz"

    was a sign that you have arrived on the blogging scene?


  4. Mr Wankbubble you gave me a great laugh this morning.

  5. Wow Mr wankbubble if your order on karak norn then im really shocked that im on the same side as a 2nd rate pice of shit like your self..

    As it goes for KF i got great respect for bootae every time i have come up agist him and the rest of KF its nothing but a fight to remember. I have gotten on with KF since they came to Karak norn when i was destro on Tumka and even if i rerolled the respect i have for the guild has not changed..


  6. If only I could get some hate mail ... alas I'm a piddly nothing so I'll have to keep dreaming.

    Good post!

  7. Krossus I'll direct some of mine your way, but mine is mostly from RP'ers, and feminists.

    I don't know why I'm always nice..

    Not the fine quality Mr.Wankbubble represents.

  8. Well it was a strange thing for Mr Wankbubble to have done really, but I'm glad that he/she/it made the effort tbh as it gave me the fuel for a post I enjoyed writing :D

  9. Mr Wankbubble... I think that's my alt.

    Just kidding, what a horrible thing to happen, I am lucky I haven't gotten a hate mail yet (I haven't checked in a few weeks, so I may)

    I think the funniest part was 'Your guild sucks'
    Kill Frenzy whoops the shiz out of any guild here on Gorfang for sure haha

  10. Wish I could get hatemail. :'(

  11. Well are you a retarded noob, so at least that bit is right ;)

    Joking apart, you've got hate email, grats. Go on, tell me it didn't give you a warm cuddly feeling.

    Obviously this individual doesn't really give life much thought and hasn't got too many brain cells to rub together. Lets hope he doesn't get any opportunities to pro create, since it just further ruins the gene pool.


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Half man half pixel. Music obsessive, likes a drink, occasional bastard.